Live the positive when handed negative.

It’s easy to focus on the negative. It hurts. It is painful. It is emotionally draining. It seems to make more of an impact on us than the positive that seems to be light hearted and doesn’t weigh so much on us.  It also makes us lose sight of the good. Don’t focus so much on the bad that you lose sight of the good.

Today, as I was looking in the mirror, a beautiful insight came to me. I was actually shocked by the woman standing before me. Why did it take me so long to see her? For the last three and a half years I had been focusing on the why’s! Why did I get sick? Why can’t they figure this out? Why did it happen to me? Why did I have to leave my job I worked so hard to get? Why won’t it go away? Why do I have to live this way? I have no energy to write.  I have felt sorry for myself at the same time as pushing through.

Alrhough I have not liked my situation, I have been working with it. It took me a couple of years to find what works for me and what doesn’t. I still have a little ways to go and I am almost there but with doctors in western medicine not helping, it has been up to me to help myself. I found a diet that helped tremendously and I have recently discovered a couple other things to get me through. I don’t think I will ever be “cured” but I will be able to maintain my life.

So, being a person who became ill with chronic fatigue and pain after an acute thyroid issue that has since resolved, the doctors don’t know why nor have been able or willing to treat the problem. I have been doing my own research and self studies. While I exercised 5 days a week at intense level and worked 5 days a week full time at a job I loved, life stopped. I will go into that some other time.

Today I had a set back. I am out of energy. Starting to feel bad for myself having to live this way I took a shower late in the afternoon and looked in the mirror to put make up on. I caught a glimpse of my body and just stopped! Wow! Who was that girl looking back at me?

This person is amazing! No, she isn’t making booko bucks but she did just work 6 months without missing a day except a planned vacation!! That alone feels like 6 years with someone with chronic fatigue and pain. Upset to miss this day, she is planning another six months ahead.

She lost 20 pounds! After gaining 25 pounds when getting sick she was able to lose 20 pounds changing her eating and modifying her exercise. She may not run a marathon but she can walk a 5k.

She is inspiring others not to give up! Even when she falls she gets up and brushes it off. There are setbacks and disappointments but it will not stop her to keep moving forward and bringing others with her.

She is amazing! She has altered her lifestyle to meet her current situation. Not fighting the change but working with it. She is growing spiritually and mentally learning new ways in life.

She is a fighter! When she thought she had it tough before, it was preparing her for more. She will continue to fight and see light in the situation. The battles are hard but she is a warrior!

You may have a vision of what your life SHOULD be but you need to embrace what it IS! Live your life with everything. Not fighting it but moving with it. Not feeling bad and focusing on the negative but finding the positive and building on that. Our life is what we make it. We get handed something…… it’s up to us on how we deal with it.


  • Jacque Stumne Johnson

    I love reading your words,
    You give some hope to my
    Hard to breathe, painful body due to lack of oxygen wanting to try a little harder tomorrow.
    I’ve been house bound a lot and that’s hard when your in a tent, well we were for over two weeks till we… My boyfriend swallowed his fatherly pride ( because his daughter went back to cities, and it was because of her and her boyfriend why we got kicked out ) towards his brother, after having a meeting with their mother to be like a mediator… ( It’s actually her house)
    But now we’re back here have been since the first of August. But his brother did say that we can’t just have his 12 yr old son’s whenever we want or when we do no more than a week at a time. Which has started another argument, all the while I’m trying to over come the fact that the sticker I’m getting, the harder it is to not wanting to just give up…
    So now, I will try again tomorrow to at least walk to the mail box, which is exactly 42 steps uphill incline there and 42 steps down hill back…
    I can’t use my Walker though the landscaping is horrible, but I will use my walking stick my boyfriend’s made for me out of diamond Willow a year ago… Maybe start to lose the thirty pounds I’ve put back on since Jan after losing 67 pounds a year and a half ago… Every since I left Duluth my health and weight gain had been out of control I think it’s time to go back to Duluth,… You just helped me decide to do so..
    Thanks again for you words, I don’t feel so alone when I read them…
    You’re a special kinda woman Toni, you have the goldest heart of gold !
    Your words are inspirational… As well as your kindness !

    • Toni Dowrey

      Thank you! I’m so happy you will try again. It’s one day at a time and sometimes even one minute. When you continuously work at it you will see how much time goes by and how far you have come. Even if just a week. You can do this!!

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